


The Path to Absolution

by Lilyofthevalley825



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, I love the idea of long haired Pidge, Mentions of Other Voltron Paladins, Multiple chapter fic, Original Character(s), Pidge and Shiro POV's, Pidge is 20, Shiro is 30, Takes Place Fives Years after Beginning, Zarkon has not been defeated yet, little angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-07 11:51:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13434129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilyofthevalley825/pseuds/Lilyofthevalley825
Summary: Pidge is by nature a forgiving person, except for when it came to herself.





	1. Chapter 1

Pidge took a deep breath as they began their final descent into Ulariam. The atmosphere was as rough as she remembered it, and she struggled to keep her lion steady as she navigated through it’s exosphere.

  
“It’s going to be okay, Pidge.” A voice advised her soothingly through the telecom, sensing her unease . “I promise.”

  
She exhaled loudly. It was the one voice that seemed to have a calming effect as of late. “If you say so, Shiro.”

  
The last time she had entered this airspace just a little over a Deca-Pheob ago, the circumstances were unfriendly to say the least. And although the Galra were now completely removed from this sector, her palms still sweat over the idea of returning.

  
Not even five minutes later, the black lion and green lion landed softly on a grassy patch, the orange hued sky darkening on the horizon, indicating the late hour of arrival. Pidge released her tight grip on the navigation stick, wringing her hands rapidly to bring the blood flow back to the digits. She did one final sweep of the environment with her lions’ sensors. Air: Breathable for human life form. Check. Temperature: Seventy-seven degrees. Pleasant. Check. Alien Life forms on planet: Approximately two point five million (used to be more, Pidge reminded herself).

  
She exited her lion, to see a pleasant and plump looking alien walking up to greet Shiro already. She walked up to join Shiro, taking in familiar Ulariam golden spotted markings on their skin.Pidge bowed her head in respect.

  
“Paladin of the Black and Paladin of the Green, we welcome you back to our planet under much happier circumstances.”

  
“King Talin, we appreciate and thank you for the invitation to come to your planet again. Pidge and I are honored to be here.”

  
“The honor is all ours.” he smiled in their direction, and Pidge attempted to return the affection genuinely. “Please, I know the hour is late and you have traveled far. Let me show you to your quarters. While this is certainly a joyous occasion in which you come, there is still business we would like to discuss. But of course, it can wait until tomorrow.”

  
Shiro clasped his hands behind his back and started following the leader in the direction a large building. “Of course. We know that a Paladin’s work is never truly done.”

  
The monarch smiled and gave a playful wink. “Yes, I know that all too well as King, but the trick is to try to limit that work to as little possible.”

  
“We appreciate that, King Talin.” Pidge advised.

  
Pidge was surprised to find that Shiro and her were sharing the same quarters. She was more surprised, however to discover there was only one bedroom. She, nor Shiro, did not dare complain to their host. When the King left, she simply raised an eyebrow at Shiro.

  
He blushed, which she always found rather cute. “I’m sorry. Given the sensitivity of how you felt returning here, I asked for shared quarters to make you feel more comfortable in case you didn’t want to be alone. However, I thought they understood that we aren’t… meaning to say that we don’t...” he just let the words die on his lips.

  
Katie quickly curbed an image that briefly appeared in her mind of the black paladin. “Silly aliens,” She advised with a forced laugh in an attempt to make the situation less awkward.

  
“I’ll take the couch.” he offered sheepishly.

  
She shook her head. “No way. The bed is larger than a California King size! We are both adults, Shiro. I think I can share a bed with a member of the male sex.”

  
He looked like he still wanted to protest, but to his credit, kept his mouth shut. He always knew when he was on the losing side of an argument with Pidge.

Pidge smirked, but on the inside, her stomach was a mess. _Only three days to get through_ , she thought. _Then I will never need to set a foot on this planet again_.

  
********

  
Allura was thrilled to get the notice that the Ularians invited Shiro and Pidge to receive a Valor of Peace designation on behalf of the rescued world. As she read the proclamation to the paladins, she neglected to see the color draining from Pidge’s face. “It is a wonderful way to cement a solid alliance in this particular Quadrant!”

  
The yellow paladin was the first to comment on his friends state. “Are you okay, Pidge?” Hunk put down the strange side dish he had been carrying, never losing eye contact with his small friend. “You don’t look so hot.”

  
“I’m fine.” she advised a bit too abruptly. “Just need some fresh air.” She stood up, pushing her chair forcibly away from the table and walked out, leaving the rest of the Paladins, all except for Shiro, puzzled at her odd behavior.

  
Shiro immediately stood and advised the other Paladins that he would talk to her. “Stay, and enjoy your meals.”

  
It was easy to find her; Pidge always went to the Green Lion to think. He knew that the memories of that day haunted her; she never talked about it with anyone, and he was the only one to witness it first hand. Sometimes she came to him in the middle of the night, not saying a word, instead just collapsing into his arms crying until she drifted off to sleep and he carried her back to her room.

  
She didn’t face him. “I can’t accept that award they want to bestow upon us, Shiro. You know I don’t deserve it.”

“You do. What happened there was not your fault.”

  
“It was.” The woman’s shoulders sagged.

  
“I don’t believe that. And if they believed that, do you think they would have invited you to receive this honor?”

  
She was quiet, and Shiro took the opportunity to turn her gently around. Her eyes were red-rimmed from fresh tears, and she tried wiping them away with her forearm.

  
He continued when she didn’t respond. “Katie, this is going to help their people. So even if you don’t think you deserve this, accepting this token will help them move on. Who knows? Perhaps this ceremony will help us all heal.”

  
He was hopeful that it might help her feel better about the upcoming event. Shiro knew that Katie understood that Voltron couldn’t refuse this request even with as simple as it appears on the outside. This was the Ularians way of confirming that they will join the Alliance; and the location of this quadrant could prove pivotal in the fight against Zarkon. To refuse could possibly extend the length of the war, and put millions of more lives at risk.

  
As the minutes of silence stretched out, he could tell that the youngest Holt was taking into consideration what he was saying. She was deep in thought and he didn’t dare interrupt, letting her process the idea of going back to Ulariam.

  
He had to strain to hear her next words. “Have you ever told them what I did?”

  
She didn’t need to explain more for him to know that she was referring to the other Paladins. “No.”

  
Katie sighed shakily and nodded. “Thank you.”

  
“There is nothing to thank me for.” Shiro was relieved to see the green paladin begin to relax, her tense features softening in front of his eyes.

  
“I’ll go, Shiro. But I have one request.”

  
“Anything.”

  
“Just you and I attend. No one else. I couldn’t bear-”

  
“Of course.” he quickly interrupted, trying to prevent her distress.

  
She reached out, squeezing his hand, never taking her eyes off his. “Thank you, Takashi.”

  
He gently pulled her body closer to his and wrapped his arms around her. He was never this familiar with any of the other paladins, it was always just with Katie, and especially more so in the past year. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head, wishing that he could help erase the pain she carried. Shiro was all too familiar himself with haunted looks, the smiles that never truly reached up to the eyes, and the automatic motions to convince others that they were just fine, when they were anything but.

  
He felt the wetness on his shirt before he heard the quiet cries again, and pulled her even tighter. He would be her confidant, the person that kept her secrets. No one questioned him when they finally appeared much later, dinner having long since gone cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr URL: lilyofthevalley825.tumblr.com


	2. Chapter 2

Pidge’s eyes grazed the table at the breakfast spread that royal family laid out the next morning, her stomach rumbling at the sight. She found herself much more awake than she expected, the nightmares that had plagued her as of late miraculously not making a single appearance. The good nights’ rest left the green paladin bouncing around with such a nervous energy, that Shiro tried to quell it with a gentle hand on her shoulder. Even his quiet comfort couldn’t belay the anticipation she felt at what lay ahead in the day,

The Ularians clearly had taken careful thought into to what to serve to the two members of Voltron. Various platters of fruits, bread, and meats lined the table designed to appease a variety of pallets. Pidge noted with relief that there did not appear to be anything that looked to be immediately inedible. Alien cultures were always trying to impress the Paladins with exotic dishes that were clearly questionable in nature. Even Hunk, who had the most willing experimental palate, had gotten very good at pretending to eat certain foods that were served to them. She was pleased that she would not need to resort to the hidden emergency rations they brought with them.

“Paladin of the black and green-” the King started. 

Pidge, without thinking, interrupted automatically with a diplomatic response. “Please, if you would like to, our friends know us as Shiro and Pidge. No need to stand on such formality unless you wish it.”

King Talin smiled. “Shiro and Pidge.” he said slowly, testing out the strange names. “Thank you for joining us this morning. I hope you have brought your appetites and that you find something that will please you.”

“It looks wonderful.” Shiro responded honestly..

“Perfect. Before we eat, I would like to introduce my family.” 

A tall, masculine figure and a stout woman appeared through the door at that moment, a warm smile on their faces as they stepped in front of them. “This is Regan, my only son, and next to him, is my wife, Queen Aslin.”

Each bowed their heads lightly. “It’s an honor to meet two of the Paladin’s of Voltron,” Regan advised, his eyes briefly meeting hers. “We have heard many tales of your heroic acts, not only on Ulariam, but also throughout the Universe.” 

Pidge couldn’t help but wonder how they thought her act on their planet was heroic. They all took a seat, and the King continued once everyone was settled. “As I mentioned yesterday evening, we are most pleased with your presence here. I am sure you have gathered that we were hoping to use this opportunity and recognition as an opportunity to officially announce our endorsement and support of the Voltron Alliance. We plan to make the announcement after honoring you.”

Shiro and Pidge both smiled and nodded, and she gladly let Shiro steer the conversation. “This is wonderful news. The rest of the Paladins and Princess Allura will be happy to hear of this.”

“I was hoping you would agree. We would like you to meet with some of our advisors tomorrow and give us more information of the support we could provide. After all, we owe our freedom to you.”

“We will certainly meet with them,” the black paladin confirmed, “but please, join because you believe in the cause, not because you feel beholden to us.”

It was a standard line they gave to potential alliance members, but an important one nonetheless.

Regan piped in. “While we will always be grateful for your interceding on our behalf, please know, the Galra have done unspeakable things to not only our people, but hundreds more planets such as ours. We can’t idly sit by, we want to help and be part of the solution.”

This placated Shiro, and Aslin smiled at the agreement, motioning for them all to eat. Pidge dug in with fervor, and soon found herself enamored with a piece of fruit that tasted wondrously like a mango. She indicated for Shiro to try a slice, and popped it in his mouth before he could formulate an answer.

Shiro’s eyes widened at her impulsive action, and she blushed, chastising herself that she did not think it through. She imagined the look on Allura’s dismayed face at the news that she just threw out years of diplomatic lessons on how to behave properly.

She glanced at the Ularians, worried that she offended them in some way. Instead, they all relaxed and laughed. It turned out that feeding one another was a way to show one’s fondness for the other person and was encouraged their society. Pidge sighed in relief, glad she did not create a big faux paux. 

Breakfast was a leisurely affair in Ularian society taking place over a couple of hours. With the King, Queen, and Prince regaling them of happy stories from their world, the petite paladin was almost able to ignore the nagging feeling of discomfort that sat in her stomach. She was full, and yet she couldn’t help but pop a delightful concoction similar to an earth cinnamon roll in her mouth. 

Prince Regan turned to face her. “Would you both like to accompany me to the Galra War Memorial this afternoon?”

Pidge practically choked on the pastry. Shiro slapped her back and whispered a discreet, “Are you okay?” 

She nodded, and forced the food down. She was positive all color drained from her face. “Memorial?”

Aslin smiled, reaching for her husband’s hand. “We recently erected a tribute for the fallen. It is quite lovely and it would mean a great deal if the Paladins of Voltron visited...”

Somewhere in the back of Katie’s mind, she knew that the Queen was still talking, expanding on the memorial, but her heart pounded loudly inside her chest, the memories coming on too strong.

_“No! No! No!” she screamed, tapping furiously at the keyboard, as the screen indicated in glaring red that a failsafe protocol had activated in response to the virus she uploaded. She scanned through the Galra text in front of her, dread setting in at what it was telling her. For two minutes, she tried to override the Galra orders to no avail. Ten minutes left. “Fuuuuuuuck!”_

_She turned on her Comm as she tore herself away from the console, running in the direction of her Lion. “Shiro! I need help! Green, open up!”_

_She heard his typically calm voice over the line, clearly under duress. “I am being attacked from all sides, it’s like a swarm of bees up here. I can’t shake them. What’s wrong?”_

_Dread filled her as she realized that Shiro could not back her up. Her feet carried her as fast as they could, and she breathlessly responded, “Just try to keep the fighters away from me, okay?”_

_The Green Lion loomed in the distance. There was no time._

Underneath the table, Pidge felt Shiro’s hand take hers, giving a gentle, but firm squeeze. It was a simple, “I’m here. It will be okay.” and enough to bring her out of the memories she was caught up in. She squeezed back gratefully, knowing that he was all too familiar with what was happening to her.

She came out enough from the attack, to hear Shiro respond, “Thank you so much for being considerate of our Earth customs and letting us visit the sight on our own. We appreciate the time you are giving us to Meditate and offer prayers for the fallen.”

The King nodded, oblivious to the inner turmoil Katie was experiencing. “Of course. We certainly appreciate cultural differences and we are beyond humbled that you wish to extend your prayers to our people.”

They excused themselves and walked back to quarters quietly. Shiro slipped his hand into hers again, his face anxious. “Are you okay?” he asked when they were safely in the confines of their rooms. 

She shook her head no, and focused on the feel of his hand, trying to ground herself, trying to rid herself of the awful memories. Finally, she flung herself into his caring arms and cried for what seemed like the thousandth time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh.. this chapter was re-worked sooo many times. Hope you enjoy!


	3. Memorial - Part 1

Pidge stared at herself in the mirror, taking a deep breath, steadying herself for the afternoon to come. She turned slightly to watch the cool swish of the Ularian fabric she wore, choosing to at least honor their dress code, even if she couldn’t bare to take part in all their services with them directly. 

She guiltily admitted to herself that she liked the clothes she now wore and the Ularian hairstyle they put on her was flattering. Was it awful of her to agree to wear the clothes, take an active part in their culture, where she was so careless about their lives before? 

“Are you ready?” she heard the comforting voice call from the other room, getting closer with each word. “If not, we can-”

The voice abruptly stopped, and Katie turned to find Shiro at the threshold of the door, staring at her. His adam’s apple bobbed visibly, and he cleared his throat, attempting to pull his eyes away from her. “You look lovely, Katie.”

Pidge blushed. “You really think so?”

She internally grimaced at just how girly that sounded. Pidge didn’t typically do “girly”, but sometimes, just sometimes, when Shiro was around her, she couldn’t help but want him to notice her as one. 

He stepped forward, the fine, Ularian silk-like fabric that hung from his left shoulder moving with his body as well. He stopped less than a half a foot from her. “You always do. You’re beautiful.”

Her stomach flipped as she looked into his grey eyes. The green paladin attempted to form to response, when a doorbell of some type rang, pulling her attention to the entrance.

“Come in,” Shiro advised, looking at Katie one more time before turning to the person at the door.

Queen Aslin stepped in, glancing between the two of them. “I hope I am not interrupting anything.”

Katie smiled and stepped away. “No! Not at all. We were just admiring the clothes that your family was kind enough to give us.” Katie gave herself a mental high five for how diplomatic and professional she was sounding on this trip. 

“Thank you. We are glad you like them, and more so, we are glad you are so willing to embrace our customs. I’m here to lead you to the entrance of the memorial. You will find that it is designed for privacy, and we have ensured that you will not be disturbed until your meditation period is over. After that, we have arranged for a festival on the Royal grounds. A chance for you to relax after the memorial, have some fun, and get to know our people further.”

Katie’s stomach, which had been fluttering around with butterflies at the thought of the black paladin, suddenly dropped. She nodded, and followed the Queen out of the castle. She was surprised that the royal did not try to speak with them, instead, a somber tone seemed to fill the air. The Queen stopped abruptly about a mile into the walk, a large hedge labyrinth appearing in front of them, with symbols that Pidge did not recognize. 

“I will take my leave here. This labyrinth is designed to show the chaos that is war. There are twists and turns that will lead you to frustrating dead ends and reminders of things that we would rather forget. However, even in the chaos and darkness of war, there is still beauty to be found and strength that people never knew existed. This maze is meant to be walked through leasurily, and you will know when you have reached the middle, the highlight of the memorial. After you have spent enough time to reflect, the maze will bring you straight out, into your future.”  
With that, the Queen left, and Shiro and Katie stood in the entryway, Katie shaking slightly. She looked up, the Shrubs were tall, at least fifty feet. Yet, despite the height, the maze was well lit it appeared.

Katie stared ahead and she nodded to herself as she took a determined step forward. She was tempted to use her comm so she could take the quickest path, but a part of her knew that wasn’t the point of the maze, and didn’t she owe them at least that?

The Paladins walked quietly through the straight path, Katie admiring bushes that looked so familiar to flora found on Earth, it made her heart ache just that much more. They paused as they came to a divergence. She turned to Shiro for guidance, but he uncharacteristically just shrugged his shoulders, indicating for her to make a decision. Wordlessly, she chose the left path. The beautiful colors and texture of the maze soon gave way to muted greys and graininess. She tried to wet her now dry mouth as she took in the charred metal that jutted up from the ground, representing where tall proud buildings once stood.

Numbers appeared to light up on the maze, in bold, bright color. 

Shiro spoke quietly behind her. “I wonder what that refers to.”

With sickness, she responded, “I know.”

_Pidge jumped into Green and slammed down into the seat. She glanced at her comm. Five minutes. She now only had five minutes to take out five different locations in order to prevent an explosion so big it would take out this planet and the entire galaxy._

_“Green, these coordinates first. Then these.” Katie locked her heart down, as one by one, she entered each of the destinations._

_A Government Assembly Building._

_A Shelter._

_A Hospital._

_A School._

_And another Hospital._

_“Oh God, please forgive me.” She whispered as Green rose off in the direction of the first target._

“It’s the time of day that I destroyed the first building and killed everyone in it.”


	4. Memorial Part 2

Shiro’s eyes never left Katie’s figure. To the outside observer, Pidge would have seemed perfectly composed after her statement. But the Black Paladin knew her well enough to pick up on the slight twitching of her fingers, the quicker than normal rise and fall of her chest, and the guilt in her eyes. 

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and for a moment longer, they stared at the bleak reminder of the carnage the Galra wreaked before moving on. They retreated to a nearby bench they passed just prior to this exhibit at the memorial. Katie sat gingerly on the edge of the metallic seat, her large eyes looking up at him. “How do you do it, Shiro? How did you go through what you went through, and be like you are?”

He twisted his body to face her, his knees touching hers. “I’m not sure I follow.”

“There has been so much death. By the time I was 16, I had already killed hundreds of Galra soldiers. Thousands of people in the years since, whose blood are on my hands-” 

Shiro went to protest, so she corrected. “Fine. Our hands. But I had always justified it because they were the enemy, they were the bad guys. I pushed aside the fact that most of these people had families, and some of these people might have even been forced into service. And before you say it, I know that is the price of war. I know logically that I have to look at the few vs. the whole. But how do you keep all of it from burying you, drowning you from the pain of it all?”

He paused, his lips forming a thin line before speaking. “Do you want the truth?”

Her amber eyes searched his. “Please.”

“Those memories haunt me every day. When I was in the arena, I needed to fight to live. I chose to kill someone else so I could keep breathing, so I could last at least one more day.”

She took his Galra-forged hand. “They were trying to kill you.”

“I could have not given in to what they wanted. They wanted me to fight. They wanted me to spill blood. They wanted me win again and again and again. And I gave into their demands every time.” He took a shuddering breath. “After a while, I forgot who I was when I was in the arena. The adrenaline would kick in…” 

“You are not a monster, Shiro. You sacrificed yourself over and over. You saved Matt. Without you, he wouldn't be alive. Without you, thousands- no, millions of people would still be under Galra rule or dead.”

He glanced down at their intertwined hands and something in his chest twisted. “The same could be said for you.”

Her cheeks reddened. “That’s different.”

“Is it? You, Katie Holt, saved this entire galaxy.” He pulled her up to a standing position before she could attempt to disagree. “Come on. Let’s explore the rest of the memorial and find our way out.”

They turned several corners, the path growing wider and light filtering softly down, illuminating a plain white hovering platform. 

“What is this?” his walking partner mused out loud. She glanced at the dates that displayed above it. “If I am calculating it correctly, the date displayed is shortly after Voltron visited the planet. Hmmm...” 

He watched her hands touch the main display with gentleness, and Katie’s brow furrowed as the display activated, a hologram starting in front of them. 

A voice filled the air. “War will try to quelsh your spirit and break you, but as Ularian’s, never forget what was truly important. Love. Life. Laughter. Happiness. Kindness. These images were taken in a single day, the day the last Galra camp had been destroyed.”

The hologram quickly reflected a series of scenes; a newborn baby being born, a group children playing, Ularians being freed from the final work camp, a wedding. The scenes kept coming, and the display had Pidge’s rapt attention.

Shiro found himself letting his eyes shift sideways towards the woman standing next to him. Her hair, once short and boyish, now swayed gently in the barely existent breeze. She clutched a necklace her father had given her, rubbing the dark stone in the middle subconsciously, as she took in each image, committing them to memory.

Katie was everything he realized; smart and courageous, dedicated and kind, spirited and beautiful without even trying to be. He froze for the briefest of moments, as the depth of his feelings for the green paladin truly sunk in. 

“I want to be that happy again.”

Pidge’s voice pulled him away from his thoughts. 

“You will.” he beseeched, his eyes earnest. “I’ll make sure of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, these chapters aren't super long guys... Hope you appreciate the update!


End file.
